How To Deal With Toxic Positivity

Amidst the recent layoffs by big corporations, it's common to get advice like, "just be positive" "look at the bright side", and “everything happens for a reason”. When something negative like losing your job occurs, such remarks may be made in an attempt to provide compassion, however, these can silence everything the other person might have to say about what they are going through. It can make them think that it is, in fact, a problem in their outlook that they’re being so ‘negative’ about it. They may start labeling themselves as a pessimistic person as everyone else might be asking them to stay optimistic.

The idea that people should keep a happy attitude no matter how severe or challenging their circumstances are is known as toxic positivity. While having an optimistic outlook and practicing positive thinking have many advantages, toxic positivity rejects all unpleasant feelings in favor of a cheerful and frequently deceptively optimistic front.

How Toxic Positivity Causes More Harm Than Good

When confronted with toxic positivity, individuals may start feeling invalidated. Even though the intent of the other person might be to comfort and support, the individual going through a difficult time might feel dismissed rather than supported. What they may need at such times may be an acknowledgment of just how hard things are for them, and how difficult it can be to be positive in such situations.

Not getting this kind of emotional and instrumental support can further cause harm or add to a person’s trauma; it can even make them feel shameful. If the individual has gone through a difficult event like sexual abuse, or even a job loss, toxic positivity can send a covert signal that it isn’t so bad and hence it must be the individual’s fault somewhere - one, for having gone through what they did, and two, for not being able to cope with it. If such feelings of inadequacy are internalized, it can also cause the individual immense guilt, not only for not being able to be positive but even for sharing their hurt with others.

The individual going through trauma or hurt may then either start dismissing their own emotions or stop sharing those feelings with their loved ones in the fear of being seen as someone negative. This can lead to avoiding difficult emotions altogether or deep connections with people. As a result, the person might never be able to understand how to truly address their difficult emotions and the difficulties that cause those emotions. They may get into a loop of either avoiding difficult situations or just suppressing difficult emotions.

Dealing With Toxic Positivity

Not Okay is Okay

It's not possible to feel good all the time. Therefore, rather than holding the belief that it's improper to have negative emotions, accept your difficult emotions and address those. Remind yourself that just like it's entirely OK if someone or you don't feel physically well sometimes, it is OK not to feel good or positive sometimes too.

Positive Vibes Mostly

Be The Best (You Can)

Give Yourself A Break

Be Brave

Verbalise

There is no shame in asking for assistance to escape an abusive relationship. Making contact with close friends and family members can help escape tumultuous relationships and find safety. Further, several tools can aid in recovery and future development after coming out of an abusive relationship. Various NGOs provide their clients with access to financial aid, legal support, counselling, children's services, healthcare, employment support, and educational and healthcare services.

Given the emotionally unstable nature of an abusive relationship, the counselling space is kept completely private and confidential. A therapist can assist you If you’ve noticed one or more of the above signs and would like to address the same, it might be a good idea to seek professional help from our counsellors. Our in-house therapists will help you further identify your needs and triggers, and assist you in understanding and accepting that abuse need not be internalized.