Be Mine: Dealing with Possessiveness in a Relationship

The idea of asking someone to be your valentine may seem a world away from the topic of having a possessive or dominating relationship partner. But many couples discover that it's easy to slide from wanting a lover to want to own them. Couples may cross the line from love to possessiveness while attempting to deal with feelings of jealousy or insecurity. They frequently cross each other's lines and disregard their innate independence. Consider all the covert phone searches, the guilt trips when one partner goes out with friends, the irrational tantrums when assurance isn't given, or the interrogations over other people's appeal.

People try to manage their romantic relationships in a variety of subtle and less subtle ways to control their feelings. They try to fix toxic relationships. Yet, just because you feel a connection to someone doesn't imply you can treat them like a victim or use force against them. In reality, attempting to control our partners only serves to lessen and lessen our attraction to them. When we try to manage someone close to us, we place restrictions on them that cause them to become less of who they are. We want to be happy, complete, and alive in our relationships with our partners and ourselves. For instance, we make our partner's world smaller when we make them feel bad for choosing to spend time with others.

So how can you break the tendencies of possessiveness in your relationship? Understanding why you act in a dominating manner is the first step, and dealing with the underlying emotions that lead to an uneven dynamic is the next.

The majority of us experience some level of anxiety and uneasiness when it comes to our relationships. These emotions may be the result of deeper issues we have with intimacy, self-worth, rejection, loss, or loss itself. The need to control can result from these underlying feelings. Instead of examining the source of these emotions, we frequently begin to blame our partners and engage in controlling behaviors in the hopes that doing so will make them go away.

For instance, we can fundamentally believe that we are unlovable or that no one would ever select us. Due to our low self-esteem, we may act out various jealous or insecure actions against our relationship. We might start avoiding them in the hopes that they'll start caring about how we feel. Any remark or activity that we interpret as ignoring or rejecting us can cause us to act victimized and injured. We could verbally reprimand our partner or set limitations on what they can do and where they can go. These recurring behaviors are all much more related to us than to our partners. Most of them have a long history dating back to our past.

How To Deal With Possessiveness?

Improve our sense of self — If our possessive behavior stems from insecurity, we need to start exploring strategies to cultivate greater self-compassion in our life. We must take action to conquer our inner critic and genuinely realize that we are deserving and okay without anyone else's approval. We are capable and strong. Our world won't end even if our darkest nightmares come true and our lover rejects or betrays us.

Refrain from becoming authoritative, jealous, or harsh — Surveillance-type behaviors will only irritate and alienate our partners, further dividing us. Also, they make us feel negative about ourselves. We have to fight the impulse to dominate our partner, no matter how uneasy it makes us. That voice inside of us that says, "Just don't talk to her," must be disregarded. She needs to understand that working late won't make her happy. Alternatively, "Tell him you won't tolerate this. He must not believe that he can relax every weekend.

Recognize that these emotions are memories — Until we address the root causes of our anxiety, it will never go away. Recent developments bring back primitive pain. Our past experiences likely are to blame if we feel a particularly strong urge to dominate or possess our spouse. We can gain a deep sense of self-understanding by making sense of our tale and weaving a coherent narrative out of our past. Knowing our triggers can make us feel more at ease at the moment. When it comes to comprehending and overcoming these emotions, therapy can be a powerful aid.

Discover methods to reduce your anxiety — There are numerous ways to reduce your worry. We can learn to sit with our thoughts and feelings without letting them overwhelm us or dictate how we behave through mindfulness techniques and breathing exercises.

Get rid of your inner critic — We all have an inner critic that criticizes us and the people in our lives, frequently undermining our relationships. We are fed ideas by this critic like, "She's probably cheating on you." Who would ever adore you? He'll simply walk away from you. When we suffer from relationship anxiety, this critic is frequently at the helm, clouding our judgment and inciting us to act possessively.

Invest in your life — Focusing on our own lives is one of the most crucial actions we can take to overcome possessive sentiments and desires. "What makes me light up? What do I enjoy doing? To strengthen our sense of who we are as independent individuals, we should strive to take our focus away from our partner and begin thinking about all the things we are interested in pursuing.

Speak to your partner like an adult— It might be beneficial to be open and honest with your partner about your struggles with insecurity and your desire to control the situation. We can resolve to make an effort not to act on these emotions, but we can also communicate our feelings to our spouses to feel more connected to them. An honest discussion in which we don't place blame but rather explain our struggle is a vulnerable act that will frequently help our partner to understand us and feel for us, but any attempts to control or induce guilt may make our partner feel resentful or annoyed.

Lastly,

If you feel things are out of your control, you can seek couples therapy. It is effective in dealing with such issues. Professional help like talking to a therapist or counselor is always effective.